Ah, the Rt 5/Academy/Union Village ride—a 21.85-mile escapade with 1,583 feet of elevation gain, crafted by the illustrious Derek M on April 2, 2023. Strap in, dear cyclist, for a journey that promises both sweat and scenery!
The Grand Tour:
1. Church on Time: Kick off with a 0.39-mile descent, dropping 72 feet at a gentle -3.4% grade. Consider it your warm-up slide into the adventure.
2. Real Rt5 to 132 Flats: Cruise along this 4.29-mile stretch, barely noticing the 121-foot dip at a negligible -0.5% grade. It’s practically a straight line—time to perfect your aero tuck!
3. River Climbs A, B, and C: A trio of petite ascents (0.15 mi at 3.9%, 0.12 mi at 6.2%, and 0.17 mi at 4.1%) that serve as appetizers for the main course. Think of them as the cycling equivalent of speed bumps.
4. Goodell Road Climb: Here’s where the fun begins—a 0.51-mile ascent boasting a 276-foot gain at a hearty 10.1% grade. Your legs might start filing complaints, but press on!
5. Full Thetford Hill East: Stretching 2.22 miles with a 505-foot climb at 4.3%, this segment offers ample time to ponder life’s mysteries—or at least question your life choices.
6. Asa Burton Rd Climb: At 0.83 miles and a 217-foot gain (4.9% grade), it’s like climbing a staircase… for nearly a mile.
7. Thetford Hill/113 East Side: A 1.89-mile journey ascending 469 feet at 4.7%. By now, your legs are either numb or negotiating a ceasefire.
8. Vermont 113 Climb: Short and steep—0.83 miles with a 259-foot gain at 5.9%. A delightful reminder that gravity is not your friend.
9. Thetford Hill Rt 113: Another 0.63-mile climb, tacking on 236 feet at 7.1%. Because who doesn’t love a good uphill battle?
10. Thetford Hill from 91: A 0.78-mile ascent gaining 269 feet at 6.5%. At this point, you’re basically a hill-climbing connoisseur.
11. Reverse Academy: Enjoy a 2.57-mile descent, shedding 440 feet at -3.2%. A well-earned breather—let the wind dry your sweat-soaked jersey.
12. Union Village Wall: A brief but brutal 0.17-mile climb, ascending 82 feet at 8.7%. It’s like hitting a wall—literally.
13. Goodrich 4 Cors Rd Climb: Another 0.39-mile uphill jaunt, gaining 187 feet at 9.0%. Your quads will be singing songs of lament.
14. Drop the Hammer! (without town): Conclude with a 1.20-mile descent, dropping 322 feet at -5.0%. Time to unleash whatever energy you have left and soar like a caffeinated eagle.
Final Thoughts:
This route is a rollercoaster of ups and downs—literally. It’s a test of endurance, strength, and perhaps your ability to suppress colorful language. But fear not! With each pedal stroke, you’re not just conquering hills; you’re earning bragging rights and a guilt-free post-ride feast. So, clip in, hydrate, and may the winds be ever in your favor!